Fennel's commentary

How wonderful it would be to escape from our normal life to spent 24 hours in quiet and safe isolation in a tranquil wood. How it would heal our soul and deepen our understanding of nature. How it would help us to appreciate things and focus our attention on the important things in life. How it would help to set things straight, and put us securely on the path to contentment.

Sometimes we need to escape.

Back in 2004, when I was recovering from a very dark time, I sat down with Mrs H-to-be and planned all fourteen editions of Fennel’s Journal. I had six years’ worth of private writing to use, a huge amount of new things to say, and a great many adventures to share. I knew exactly what each Journal would say – even down to the title of each chapter. Such was the vividness of the message and the clarity with which I could see my future.

The plan stated that it would take ten years to rebuild my life, paying off nearly £100,000 of debt, becoming healthy once again, and saving up enough to live once more in a country cottage. It would all be done on my terms without the influence, distraction, or manipulation of those who would seek to corral or crush my dream.

The storyboard for Fennel’s Journal became my route map to a better life, that would see me be happy.

With a focus on atmosphere and emotion, I’d live a meaningful life that genuinely meant something to me and others. I’d begin the Journey – and the writing – once I’d reached a place of positive mind, and complete it ten years later. It would begin in 2006 by exploring the values and scope of this life, defining the ‘reboot’ point in my past when I was most happy, and conclude in 2016 by sharing a detailed view of the life reimagined and reborn.

The plan was not without its faults.

I underestimated how exhausting it would be to rebuild a life in ten years that had previously taken thirty to create. The result (not explicitly shared in the Journal) was a bizarre, conflict-ridden and contradictory ‘double existence’ where I pursued money at the cost of happiness and health in my day job (to pay off my debts), and desperately sought to live as peacefully and intensely as possible during all other times. Writing, nature, fine things and friendship were my saviours, with Fennel’s Journal enabling me to remain true to myself during the steep and abrasive climb to safety. 

I overlooked the fact that the best plans are designed – and allowed – to flex. So obsessed was I at getting the perfect rural cottage, that I failed to accommodate the needs of Mrs H and Little Lady. When we purchased our cottage in 2014 (perfectly on schedule) we very quickly came to hate it because, frankly, it didn’t live up to my hopes and was was too isolated for my family – being 30 miles away from school and the nearest shops. I was also intensely miserable at work, which suffocated the real me at home.

This was captured in The Lighter Side, when the true side of my character (Fennel) killed off the day job career junkie with an almighty blow to the conscience. (I thought, at first, that I was ill. But really I’ve never been more alive.) I adjusted course, quit my job, moved to Wales (to be back near Mrs H’s family), and re-evaluated everything. All within my ten-year timescale.

2016 arrived and, as per the schedule, I began writing what was originally entitled 'The Priory', aiming to give a complete view of my dreamed-of life. I drafted three chapters, giving a monthly view as per the early books in the series, and then scrapped everything – realising that what I was writing was contrived and untruthful. It was 'on brand' but not representative of the deep and rewarding quality of life I was experiencing. Life was better than ever, better than I could describe.

It was my friend Sarah Green who helped me to see beyond the original plan. A keen reader of the Journal, she pointed out that the overriding theme in all of them is escapism, and that – whether I realised it or not – I sought freedom above everything else. She was absolutely right. So I changed the title of the book to Nature Escape and began an altogether deeper and more rewarding adventure. The messaging grew in intensity, to become an hourly view of a perfect day of freedom. 

What did it teach me? That to live completely, we have to grow – but in the right direction and at the right pace. And above all, we have to be free.

Favourite Quote

"I am once again seeking an escape, to where I hope to find freedom and connect with the young man who handed me his trust ten years ago. This will be a faithful interpretation of the Priory, and a fitting finale to ten years of writing. As I said at the end of last year’s Journal, “One’s journey through life is not linear; it’s circular.” So let’s go back to the beginning, and rediscover the quiet world."

Fennel Hudson, Nature Escape, Fennel's Journal No. 12